Of dream catchers & monsters
gLet me tell you about a dream so vivid I could even draw ( if only thy hands are as gifted as those artists) The setting was on that one fine sunset at the beach. We were walking, talking about why the hair on our brows don’t grow that long and all those weird stuff we used to fancy about in real life. It was that perfect sunset, too perfect it won’t happen in this lifetime. Anyways, Out of nowhere you said you missed me and of course with twinkling eyes I said I miss you too and we started to laugh like we own the world, we are anew and it felt like the world is on our side. Then you asked if I still want you and again of course the obvious answer is “Yes, I do”. Soon after those 3 words I heard, you said I love you and you never stopped loving me and I said I love you too. We hugged and laugh the sunset away and as much as I want to remember this is how my memory of that dream ended. Funny because after so many months this is the first dream about you that is “nice and light” because my usual dream of you is a nightmare to me. Should I blame these dream catchers that my ex gave me for still dreaming about her? I have this theory that my ex girlfriend is a witch and she cursed and lured me into going bananas for her while all others see is her scarred face, all I see is her flawless beauty that is immensely amazing .Hayyy, I would love to throw these dream catchers but I can’t and I won’t because I know how much effort and time you put into in making them. Anyways,This is just a dream because in reality my ex girlfriend is not a witch but a superhero who saves everyone else except me armed with her iron heart that is sealed for her protection against a monster like me.
"I know now, after fifty years, that the finding/losing, forgetting/remembering, leaving/returning, never stops. The whole of life is about another chance, and while we are alive, till the very end, there is always another chance."
I’m such an a**
I am sorry.
I’ve been out of my league for the past few days like I was few years back. The project I’m working on for the past 9 months is closely going to the dogs with my dreams, money and myself. Few years back I lost everything at an instant more than the money I lost the love of my life. That day I will never forget, one text and I blew everything away. I lost her, our future together and I lost me. It took so many grueling sleepless nights, tons of tears, buckets of beer, nightmares and self inflicted pain. It’s been nearly 2 years and I could still remember the pain of losing that person, her painful uttered words of not wanting someone like me in her life, her voice saying she wasn’t sure of us anymore and that day she held me one last time. It took so much effort to forgive myself for losing someone so precious that I couldn’t bear to live without. Ooopppps! Bullshittttttttt! I’m not here to talk about the past anymore but to learn from it. Hopefully, I did. Yes, I lost the love of my life before but I won’t let that happen again with the person who saw me in my darkest days. The person who appreciated me for being the grumpy person that I am. She saw me in my drunken wa pakels state but gave me a chance. You know the good guy up there exist. He gave me this person when I was on the verge of throwing myself in the cliff to remind me that there are far more beautiful things to come and there is no way but up. I maybe grumpy, tired, stressed and soon broke (if things don’t work out but praying hard it will) but I’m not giving up on her. Not tonight. Not yet.
How can I undone the things that I did? How can one forget something so beautiful that is engraved in my heart? How can one move on from the past?
Of lonely hearts & missing you.
I hope you get to read this.
Bakit nga kaya my dumadating na tao na akala natin siya na talaga tapos mawawala din? Bakit?
Kumalma ka navetsin ka lang.
Ang hirap magkahoy kahoyan sa gitna ng bakbakan. Tama na. Kumalma ka.
Feeling extra extra stupid today. I’m all cray cray and stuff. I’m more than sad if there’s even a word for that maybe because I’m scared,hurt and in pain. I’m scared to pack things up and never look back. I’m scared of the uncertainties that might happen. I’m scared that if that one place closes down we won’t have anything anymore and I,I might lose it all over again.I don’t want that to happen. I know its not there anymore but I want to hold onto it a little longer but that is way out of my control and its sucks. It sucks really but I couldnt do anything and I couldnt tell anyone because this thing I promise to bury a long time ago but lied and kept it inside my closet.